Friday, January 29, 2010
{ 5:14 PM }
i haven written in here for so long..
prolly too lazy and tired of my current nonsensical life... or just plain lazy to write..
我要学会好好爱自己, be more selfish...
but at the same time, 不要忘了我自己。
i know what my bad habit is, always trusting people too easily. always being so nice to people. always doing things underhand ( not as in bad things) as in doing things that will make people misunderstand me on the surface judgement..
i always think that i shouldnt at all care about what others think when i do things because this is my life. so i should do what i wanna do and not care about what others say... because it's my very own life and im living for myself and not living for other people's thoughts... but im wrong. back in one round the things i do often are the things that hurt myself the most.
although there are some people in my life i ought to blame but i gotta hold some resposibilities too... (yes blame might sound harsh but...sigh. )
im still growing up i have lots more to learn
i need to learn how to take care of myself and im trying very hard.
i will never never betray myself and never never forget who i really am, and what kind of character i have naturally in built in...
i've been spending too much time comparing other people's happiness with their bad (maybe not so serious as 'bad' but rather different character...) thinking if im as 'bad' as them i might be happier.. but i just cant do what they do. i don't have the heart to be 'bad' or 'different' as them, like them..
but being too nice often means and equals to killing yourself.
trying to learn how to be a 'bad' and more 'selfish' person is really very hard for me.. but always end up making myself looking worst then those 'bad' people... i don't know why, but maybe humans are born to see what's on the surface and to believe on what the eyes or ears tell them.. cant blame i might be like that too... most of the time we listen to our eyes and ears too much we lost our heart.. our eyes and ears speak so loud that we cant hear our heart anymore...
i just got so much more to learn and overcome.
need to learn how to communicate with people.. care for myself more... and train harder...
i don't wanna lose myself.. anymore.........
